Still fighting with pain

And learning from it

After the surgery the doctors told me that I could have problems for six months. But they didn't explain what I was going to face.

Well, it came out that what I am facing is extreme physical pain night and day. Non stop.

In my life I went through many dramatic , painful and difficult times from the emotional point of view, but I never had to bear extreme physical pain for months. If you don't go through it you can't imagine.

It's hell.

Sometimes pain is so overwhelming that I am not able to think, let alone to practice.

It's an eyes opening experience. And it makes my compassion to increase dramatically. From this point of view it has been good. Now when I read, or hear, about suffering people I can understand, I mean, really understand both mental and physical suffering.

Every day I accept this as a purification of my past wrong actions, and every day I dedicate my acceptance as a tool for helping others. This doesn't diminish the pain, but from being meaningless and insane it becomes a tool for my growth.

Of course the lack of sleep and the pain itself are weakening me from the mental and physical point of view. To this, add that I am not self sufficient and I have nobody helping me. I had to hire a lady coming twice a week for buying me food and cleaning the house. Loneliness doesn't help facing the situation. (I am abroad).

Ghosts of fears attack me at night. Fear that I will never recover. But I fight them and I try to keep my mind under control. And of course, I pray for my recovery quite a lot!

In this period my prayers for all the living that are suffering in this world have become more profound and sincere. I wish from the deep of my heart that we all will be able to be free from suffering and it's causes now and forever!

P.s. I apologise for my English, my computer broke and I find difficult to use the tools for checking my English on the phone!